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Monday, April 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Do you know how it feels to love, get really angry and hurt at the same time?
It feels that you've been strangled slowly.
If the person still unable understand the reason why I felt this way, then I suppose I should keep my distance before I blow up and do something implusive.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I have not a clue as to what has gotten into me...
I dream about you twice... on Sunday and yesterday night~ both has something to do with jealousy. Every time I woke up from it, I feel a great sense of loss, anger, jealousy and worry.
It is over.
But I know it is not over in my heart... it is not the feelings that died. It is the time, space and the differences in lifestyles that had divided us.
I don't know why, I wondered why too. I even wondered how can I rid myself of this warm feelings.
These dreams are nightmares, haunting me...torturing me.
I don't have the time, energy nor the privilege to patch up again. I do not wish to create another heart aching, heart breaking situation...
Questions like this had been brought up by people:
"So are there still feelings?"
There's no need to even hesitate or think... the answer would simply be: "If we were physically together or the level of understanding was there... everything would've still been the same."
So why am I here writing this?
This is...
Not to beg for any mercy, comfort or any sort of things that makes me looks like I've regretted.
This passage ain't words of regrets.
These are thoughts of you, the past and the present.
A sense of longing, an attachment of my feelings for you... dependence.
In other words, in your kind of language...
I miss you.
.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Damn.
I almost get bro and myself killed during the trip back to Cape Town... I don't know why I choose to drive like that.
Geez... Trucks that choose not to give way, kicking up rubbles and stones from their huge tyres, into my windscreen~ those rubbles are flying like bees into us, making little scratches all over.
A fit of rage flies into me...
I tried to overtake the truck uphill, driving into the opposite lane~just as both the truck and us reached the hilltop... I was hoping that there wouldn't be a car------ but I see a truck. But luckily for me, the truck was at a distance away.
I don't know what gone into me.
I did it again and again~
Alot of people say my driving is reckless, they couldn't understand that my driving is simply being fast and efficient. I cut roads, I take on bends, I like the Adrenalin rush--- That to me is not reckless, since I know what I am doing.
But yesterday's incidents made me aware of myself... Thats reckless.
Yesterday's incidents were nothing but reckless.
I can't get it out of my head yesterday.
The moment I heard mum's voice over the phone, I feel so guilty.
I immediately confessed and apologised.
Guilt that I almost made a irregrettable mistake.
Guilt that I don't think rationally.
Guilt that I almost cause great pain to mum and dad.
Why didn't I see that I am not driving alone?
I can't guarantee that I won't do that again...
But if I am tempted again, I will remind myself of yesterday.
What an idiot I was.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Why am I so weak...
You crave for it...
You had it.
It hurt you...
You discard it.
You crave for another...
Hurt once again.
You seek it...
You seek the it that you've discarded.
You weak.
You try to hang on to it...
You hope for the it you once had...
You weak.
You can't accept that it is not the same...
Face it.
What had become of me?
What is wrong with me?
Why am I so weak?
Let me atone for what I've done.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Yesterday, completed Silent Hill1... my goodness.
Since the final year of high school, I've always wanted to complete each of the Silent Hill series... Played SH2 during my army days, enjoyed it very much- simply sad, intriguing and emotional. After the army, I downloaded SH4 and completed it too- the design of the game is really good, creatures and monster design especially. But the whole effort was ruin by the storyline. It is totally incomparable to the SH2 and SH1.
My instinctive grading of SH1 is pretty straight forward: Shocking. Disturbing.
I've yet play any game that seriously made me feel so disturbed that probably want to make me finish it as quickly as I tried to do with SH1.
The graphics on the game ain't impressive yet, like Peter said "...the poor graphics allow your mind to fill in the gaps, and make it look even scarier..." Monsters are everywhere, packed up so much of a challenge that you rather not fight if you don't have to. Talking about scary moments with monsters, I doubt I can forget those moments of running without a map in the Alternate World, with creatures popping up in the darkness at every turn. That's impressive.
Storyline wise... Honestly, for some reasons, I don't seem to follow much about the plot- The live-action movie kinda filled alot of details in for me. Haha~ I can't believe it myself. But some moments in the story are seriously both intriguing and highly disturbing. 2 moments to be exact- 1st is the way Cybil died. 2nd is the way Lisa Garnet died. When I think of chicks in game, especially hot ones, they normally survive or die in a quick and non-graphical manner. Yet, in the world of Silent Hill, it seems to be a fair world for everyone.
Silent Hill 1 is probably one of the best horror game I've played so far, with it's clever camera angles, challenging monsters and DARINGLY-disturbing moments. Silent Hill 2 is also one of the best horror games around, a sick kind of romantic moment- really sad stuff...for a horror based love story.
Silent Hill 4 was quite a let down though... Now I am left with SH3 and SH5 to play... Looking forward to play SH3 coz SH5 is not developed by Team Silent. But as life is, I've got SH5 in my hands now` haha~ will probably start on it soon.
I like this picture- Very strong and striking.
Beside games, recently I've been very crazy about O.S.Ts of Ghost in the Shell series and Cowboy Bebop series.
Got my hands on them from Shitesh and Peter, been listening to them for 4 weeks straight already. They became favourite music when I study for my exams, although the only side effects is sometime , the track got stuck inside my head, constantly looping itself when I AM WRITING THE EXAMS!!! For example, the song Velveteen from the album, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex O.S.T...kept repeating and repeating.
Most of the music of the 2 anime are composed by 1 amazing lady , and her name is Yoko Kanno . She deserves my respect for her sense of music.
From rock to jazz to techno to funky classical to pop, she did it all.
I totally understand why Andrew(Shitesh's friend) only listen to her music and nothing else. If a person has some good appreciation for Music itself, they would understand totally.
Now, I am totally immersed in her world of music........................
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Geez like it~ for some reasons, going back to Cape Town kinda give me the same annoying feeling. The feeling of booking-in on a Sunday night.
haha~ now the time is 2133hrs` and I haven't even started packing~~ aiyaya~
Somehow, right now~ I don't really feel very home-sick like last year June... maybe because bro and dad is accompanying me this time~
Yesterday, Alan's dad came over to bai nian and went out with dad to tuan bai, but Alan stayed and went swimming with bro` Look at them, freaking all dressed up in the pool- must be shy. -_- and the funnest thing is when they finally remove their top, they are afraid of the cold water... in the end, they even go and do that "1, 2 ,3 enter!" thinge~~~ hahaha~ I can only laugh hysterically at them from my room! 
Was chatting to Qing about the "orange world"~ here's a pic to illustrate` although this pic was not even close to what I was seeing...haha~ it was so orange that you just can't help keep staring` even for me- this is really first of its kind.
/我
S pirit sways inside
黃立行 - 无神论